ROADBLOCKS (Day 4 of 7)
(Need to start at the beginning? Day 1)
So what stalls you out from speaking?
Silence is agreement, so loving people speak up. Boyd Bailey
For me, it’s about not wanting to create friction. I hate arguments, and it’s hard to share a dissenting view and not have it turn into a bit of fussiness. I’m doing better about keeping conversations calm, but it tends to be some work and then are just folks who are committed to be fussy with anyone who thinks differently. Sigh.
The other thing is owning up to my own bad behavior. It’s hard to admit to doing something wrong (I spent more than I said I would) or unkind (yes, I ate the last granola bar, I’m not going to blame the grandkids).
I also don’t like to speak up if I haven’t thought things through clearly enough. It’s like handing someone a half-baked scone. It’s messy and gooey, not really ready for consumption. I’m still working through that one. Sometimes I just admit I haven’t thought an issue through well enough to have an opinion or viewpoint.
What stalls you out in those moments when you know you need to speak up?
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Because it’s a net loss situation – have to deal with a bad mood for several days and nothing changes or gets better. So why deal with a bad mood for nothing?
I totally get this. I think in the long run, however, it is helpful to be honest. Putting on a bad mood is a way to get someone to back down so you don’t have to deal with your own stuff. We need the ongoing confrontation of the truth that there are things that need to be worked on. Not saying it is easy at all. Just saying, if there is ever hope of change, or if you need to live with yourself in honesty, it is the right (and quite painful) way to go. A counselor (just for you) would be a very helpful friend in this.