When Lori warned you that I was taking over the posting here, she said Doing Marriage Well is a very holistic way of addressing marriage. Holistic has gotten a bad rap because some who use the word go to weird places. But the concept is good. Put simply, holistic means the parts of something are connected, and must be considered together. I think marriage is very much that way.
I have learned, from both doctors and a good friend who does massage therapy, that sometimes where we feel pain is not where the problem is. This can be because of shared nerve pathways, such as with sciatica. It can also happen because a muscle that’s sore is compensating for weakness or injury in another part of the body, such as back pain because of a foot injury. Dealing with the part of the body that hurts can bring pain relief, but it won’t solve the problem, so the pain will continue.
The same thing happens in marriages. We feel “pain” somewhere other than the issue that is causing the pain. Perhaps the real issue is similar. Or maybe we hurt because we’re compensating for some other part of the marriage that needs work. Addressing the place we feel the pain is natural, but it won’t fix the problem, and the pain will continue.
Just as with physical pain, it may be good and right to do something about the pain, but we must also find and deal with the real source. Sometimes we have no idea what the real source is. A trained third party can be a big help in such a situation.
If your spouse suggests the real problem is something other than where you’re feeling pain, don’t dismiss them. They might be onto something.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well looks different for every couple.
Survey Results: Thanks to the 233 of you who took the time to fill out our first survey.
Half of you are 55 and better. Average happiness with your marriage was 7.6 on a 0 to 10 scale, and happiness with sex life was a 5.8.
If you could help us reach younger couples, that would be awesome!
Something very exciting happened last Wednesday:
That’s the first time in five months our pond has been ice free. And it’s a couple of weeks early.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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