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A common cause of “no news” in marriage is the spouse who has stopped communicating. Not necessarily about everything, but certainly about their frustrations with their spouse and their marriage.
The most common reason for this is realising that what they say is being ignored. They have tried sharing it. They have tried getting upset. They may have yelled or made threats. And after doing that for years, nothing changed. There may have been promises that were never met. Or temporary changes that never lasted. But no real change.
And so, accepting that their spouse will never deal with the issue, they stop talking about it.
When your spouse stops talking about something they used to say was a problem, it doesn’t mean they have “gotten over it”. It doesn’t mean they have found a way to be okay with it. It means they realise they are wasting their energy. It means they think you don’t care enough about them to do what they need. The lack of news is not a good sign, it’s a major red flag.
If the individual thinks they can live with whatever their spouse has refused to address, they will make an effort to do so. If that fails, or the thing is too important to live with as it is, their love starts to die. This is when folks privately decide they will divorce when the kids are grown, or when they have a path to get out and set up their own life. Ironically, a marriage may seem better when a couple gets to this point. The fighting stops because one spouse has given up. But it’s a false peace.
~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well requires being aware.
Rosehips on the wild roses that grow here.
I’m told they make a great jam, but we’ve never tried it. Maybe this year.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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