So how does drift apply to sex? In a number of ways.
A couple may drift away from sex. Not usually to the point of not doing it, but rather doing it less and less often. And as is often the case with drift, it may not be noticed. At least not by the spouse who is less driven to have sex. Try keeping track of how frequently you have sex. If it’s less often than you thought you were doing it, that’s likely a problem you need to address.
One deadly form of drift is putting less time and energy into sex. This can happen even for a spouse who wants more sex. Good sex takes effort and intentionality; you can’t just fall into bed naked and expect good sex to happen. Foreplay gets truncated or skipped. Snuggling before and/or after sex stops happening. As soon as sex is over, one of you either falls asleep or jumps up to do something. Sex stops being special, and is no longer given the time and energy you once felt it deserved.
Sexual drift can look like more and more sex being just for one of you. She feels too busy or tired for full sex, so quickies or hand jobs for him become more common. Less joint sexual pleasure is a bad form of drift.
We can also experience drift in what we desire sexually. This can be good when it’s a result of the two of moving to things you enjoy more. But drift can also be the result of exposure to porn or erotica. This can alter our desires and cause us to become dissatisfied with sex. Or we start to argue because we want to do new things our spouse doesn’t want.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well requires doing sex well.
An Opportunity for Guys: Brad Aldrich, of Aldrich Ministries, is doing a Men’s Story Work Group in September. Click here for information or to preregister.
At 14 weeks, it’s a big commitment, but it could make a big difference in your life.
Widget finally destroyed the duck toy we got when we brought her home. So here she is, very happy about the replacement.
There’s a squeaker in the body, and she has learned how to hold it so a tiny bit of jaw pressure makes a soft noise. So she asks to play by coming up and making a soft squeak every couple of seconds.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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