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There is a label being used more and more that Lori and I hate. The word is narcissist, but we call it “the N word”.
We’ve had folks tell us their spouse is a narcissist. And all over social media I see things like “My wife is a narcissist” or “How do I deal with my narcissist boyfriend?”
First, unless you are trained to the point of having a degree, you can’t diagnose narcissism. And it can’t be diagnosed second hand, so if your friends tell you your spouse is a narcissist, it may be time to get new friends.
My real frustration with this label is that it is often used as an excuse for the one applying the label to not work on their marriage. If your spouse is a narcissist, then the problems are obviously their fault, and nothing you do will matter. I’ve also seen this used as an excuse to walk away from a marriage without going for help, because “a narcissist won’t get help”, so why bother.
The same thing is done with other labels. Words like “abusive” and “disrespectful” get slapped on spouses without any clear evidence of them being true. And denying these labels does no good, as “that is what an abusive husband or disrespectful wife does”. The denial is seen by the labelling spouse as proof they are right!
Usually, labels say more about the one applying them than the one being labelled.
~ This is Paul, suggesting that name-calling is not Doing Marriage Well.
Whisky, the property dog, is so patient with children.
The blue in the young lady’s right hand is a hairbrush she is using on the long-suffering dog. Good girl, Whisky, good girl.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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