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Sometimes when I look at a marriage, I see a man who is either emotionally unavailable or not as emotionally available as his wife needs him to be. I also sometimes see a woman who is either sexually unavailable or not as sexually available as her husband needs her to be. And yes, both happen with the sexes reversed.
I’d like to suggest that these two things are very similar in many ways. Among other things, that means if you have ever been hurt by one of these, you can understand how your spouse feels if you are doing the other to them. I realise that’s a scary concept, because if you accept it, then you either have to deal with the ramifications of that or accept you are failing your spouse. This could cause you to reject the premise out of hand. Please try to engage the idea and give it a fair hearing in your heart.
Let me start by stating that both sexual and emotional connection are necessary for a good marriage. This is how God made marriage, and you cannot have the kind of marriage God intended if either of them is absent or significantly limited.
If your spouse is limiting one of these things, it hurts. It feels like they don’t care about you, and after a while their reasons or excuses stop mattering. They have something you need from them, and they are not giving it in sufficient quality and quantity for you to feel loved and connected.
Can you accept my premise that these two things are very similar, and not having enough of either is a significant marriage problem? If your spouse is limiting one of these, ask yourself if you limit the other. Can you accept that doing that may hurt them every bit as much as their limiting the other hurts you?
Believing all of this could be the start of a profound change in your marriage. Pray about it!
~ This is Paul, and empathy helps us Do Marriage Well.
Starting to get blackberries
Added some raspberries and made a great cobbler!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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