Podcast: https://bit.ly/4xaHkAQ
And finally this week, what does it mean to be sexually available to your spouse? I want to start with what it DOES NOT mean.
Being sexually available does not mean you always say yes to sex. Neither does it mean you do everything your spouse wants to do. And it certainly does not mean you sacrifice your sexual wants, needs, or enjoyment for your spouse’s.
If you don’t think you can have regular sex without doing one or more of the things on the does-not-mean list, you and/or you and your spouse need to get help.
What does it mean to be sexually available to your spouse? In simple terms, it means you are able to connect on a sexual level. And just as making an emotional connection on occasion is not enough, only making a sexual connection on occasion is not enough. Doing it well means being able to be there when your spouse most needs it.
Another way to say this is that sexual availability means being able to share your sexual self with your spouse and engage with them as they share their sexual self with you.
One of the prerequisites for sexual availability is being in touch with your own sexuality. You can’t share what you don’t feel, and you can’t receive from your spouse if you are closed to your own sexuality. If this is you, it may take some time and effort to change. Get help if necessary.
Empathy certainly helps, as it can tell you when you should reach out. But being willing is huge, and with practice you will build empathy. Learn the signs they need sex. Not want it, need it. And while what they feel may not be connected to reality, they still feel it, and you need to validate that.
As a starting place, ask your spouse daily how they feel sexually. Ask how much they thought about sex and how strongly they feel like having sex. Also realise that if you haven’t been sexually available, your spouse may flood you at first as they make up not having what they need. Give them time to normalise.
BTW, if much of this seemed familiar, it’s very similar to what I said on Wednesday about being emotionally available. The two really are very much alike.
~ This is Paul, and Doing Your Spouse Well is Doing Marriage Well.
The turkeys bedding down for the night
Instinct tells them being up is safe. They ignore the lower roost with cover even in rain, cold, and snow.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.
