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We’ve all had sex labels put on us.
Men are often told they are monsters. They hear that all men are potential rapists. Their sex drive is too strong. It’s dangerous. They can’t help using and hurting women.
A decent guy who buys into this is fearful he is going to hurt his wife. So he holds back. He can’t be himself, and he can’t fully enjoy sex as he fights to retrain the monster in his pants that will hurt his wife.
Even a bit of this message can keep a man from being the lover God intended him to be. And his wife will have no idea, as he can’t admit the horrible truth to her.
Wives, you can help your guy with this by embracing his sexuality and calling it good. Encourage him to be free in bed. Ask him what he wants but is afraid of.
Women get called bad girl, slut, or tease. This can cause a woman to repress her sexuality. Many single Christian women deny their God given sexual urges. Then, when they get married, there is no magic switch to turn that off so she could feel okay about her desire for her husband.
Some women got so good at suppressing, they don’t feel desire for their husband. Others feel it, and feel bad for desiring or enjoying sex. Or for desiring or enjoying things they feel they should not. They know in their heads it’s okay, but in their hearts they fear it makes them bad.
This unspoken dilemma causes confusion for husbands. I often hear men say, “When she let me do oral, she always had a get orgasm, but now she won’t let me do it.” He saw her pleasure, but not the turmoil it caused her. The same happens with certain positions, sex toys, or multiple orgasms, all of which can cause her both pleasure and guilt.
Husbands, you can help by telling your wife that her desires and enjoyment are right and holy with God. If you know she will enjoy something but feel bad about it later, don’t do that thing. Discuss it apart from sex until she is okay with it.
~ This is Paul, warning you that labels can get in the way of Doing Sex Well.
We planted the red potatoes close so we could dig up half of them for new potatoes.
Going to pick some of our green beans and cook them both up with brats!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Paul Byerly
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