Podcast: https://bit.ly/3PfzJ3h
One of my Twitter / Facebook postings recently:
How you treat your spouse is a choice. Letting their actions change how you treat them is also a choice. #MarriageTip
This week I want to talk about the reasons we make poor choices in our marriages, starting with blaming our spouse.
“Look what you made me do. Look what you just made me do.” might be a catchy lyric, but it’s not doing marriage well!
I realise it’s difficult to do what’s right when your spouse isn’t doing what’s right; it’s hard to give when you are not receiving. You struggle to do things that would be easy or automatic if they were doing what they should. This isn’t just about the big emotional moments; it shows up in the mundane daily grind, too. That virtuous cycle is great, but God expects us to do what’s right even when we’re the only one doing that.
This advice applies to what we should do emotionally and relationally, as well as what each should be doing to make the home run smoothly.
It’s easy to tell ourselves we do more than our share. Maybe we do, maybe we don’t. And regardless, it’s likely our spouse feels they do more than their share. And so we are stuck, each waiting on the other.
The mature thing to do, and also the Christlike thing to do, is to go first. Figure out what you would be doing if your spouse were doing their part, and do that. Regardless of what your spouse does or does not do.
If we’re talking about what needs to be done around the house, this does not mean you do what your spouse should be doing. Do your part, and let the rest go if at all possible. Or do the minimum that needs to be done, if it’s critical or it drives you crazy.
I know you’re wondering how long you should let your spouse not do their part. Or even how long you can live with that, especially if what they are failing at is more emotional. It’s a valid question. The short answer is you need to have a difficult conversation before you are done, before you burn out and don’t care any more.
Doing your part consistently puts you in a better place to confront your spouse about what they are failing to do. If you do confront, don’t make a big deal about what you are doing. And don’t threaten to stop doing what you’re doing. Make it about them and what you feel they should be doing.
~ This is Paul, and I choose to Do Marriage Well.
My daughter-in-law got me this for my birthday.
It works well for moving a lot of weeds or brush. (THE A.N.T. Tarp Tool)
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.
