Podcast: https://bit.ly/4eI5k8n
One reason we make poor choices in marriage could be called ‘laziness’. What we should do would take time and effort we’re not willing to spend. Change is hard, so we settle for living with what is.
If you make bad marriage choices because of personal comfort, or just not being willing to expend the energy, that’s clearly a you problem that you need to deal with. Left unchecked, this will kill your marriage.
But I want to take a deeper look at this. If your spouse is being lazy in how they treat you, then it’s not just about you. If you recognise this is happening, you can choose to do what is right, as I suggested on Monday. You can also choose to talk to your spouse about where they are falling short.
But what if it’s not laziness? Psychologists say perceived laziness can be a symptom of things such as burnout, low motivation, or detachment.
- Burnout is a growing issue in our too-busy, too-stressed world. Burnout kills our ability to do things. It’s not that we’re too lazy to act; we just don’t feel able to. Burnout external to the marriage can do this, or it can be marriage burnout specifically.
- Low motivation can be a lifelong thing, probably based on our childhood. It can also be situational. If your marriage does little for you, it’s difficult to be motivated to spend the energy to change it. This is especially true if you’ve tried and failed or are convinced your spouse is unwilling to change.
- Detachment can keep you from being aware of needs or problems. It may look like you don’t care, but you can’t care when you don’t have a clue. Additionally, detachment can cause or worsen low motivation. Detachment can be about your marriage, or it could be from the past.
If you think your spouse is being lazy, perhaps it’s something else. Burnout, low motivation, and detachment should be dealt with differently than laziness. If you accuse them of laziness when it’s not that, you just alienate them.
The same considerations apply when you feel you’re being lazy. Is it really that, or is that an easy excuse to avoid admitting something more difficult?
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well looks different for every couple.
Eleven ducklings have been hatched and are now being brought to our pond to learn to swim and eat.
Widget is not happy about sharing the pond, and mama duck is not happy about a dog that loves to swim.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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