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Much of what I advocate for is not always possible due to circumstances. And I’m probably not as good at mentioning that as I would like.
As one example, I’m big on date nights. I think couples should get out together most weeks. Get away from the house, and from the kids if you have any at home.
However, going out is more and more expensive. Restaurants are more expensive, entertainment is more expensive, and the fuel needed to get from here to there is more expensive. And if you need childcare, that’s become a significant expense. Busyness can be another issue. If you’re always too busy for a date night, your life is too busy, and it’s hurting you and your marriage. But there are seasons of busyness that can’t be avoided.
When circumstances make regular date nights impossible, don’t just dump the idea. Do a picnic, or find a free concert in the park. Lori gathered a long list of inexpensive date ideas. Exchange child sitting with another couple, get takeout, and do some Netflix and chill.
Save up and try for one date night a month to keep it something you do. And when life changes to allow for more normal date nights, be quick to do that.
I also talk about taking a yearly vacation. As in somewhere else, and without the kids. I’m all about family vacations, but your marriage needs a couple version. At the very least, you should get a long weekend away together once a year. A full week, or several weekends, is better.
But all the things I said about date nights can make vacations difficult or impossible. Maybe you can swap kids with another couple, get a low-cost hotel an hour and a half away and pack food. But even that might be difficult at times.
Please do what you can to keep the idea of vacations together alive when circumstances make them impossible. A 36-hour staycation, for example. Or talk and plan for a future vacation. Start a fund to pay for it, and sacrifice something each week to put money in the fund. St. Arbucks can survive without you!
You may have noticed the issue of keeping the idea alive in each of these examples. This is about acknowledging the circumstance that prevents something but not accepting necessary adjustments as a permanent change.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Marriage Well looks different for every couple.
The turkeys really love their peas.
Cull peas are peas that don’t make human-grade. We buy them dry inexpensively, soak them 24 hours, and it’s a high-protein addition to their diet.
Image Credits: First image © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2 Second image © Paul H Byerly
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