Story work can be a powerful tool for improving our sex lives. With a trained coach, it’s a good way of dealing with past sexual trauma. You examine how your six or sixteen-year-old self thought and felt about what happened, including all the lies and false guilt. Then you look at those things with adult understanding and work to deal with the shame, fear, and guilt you still carry.
Story work can also help you understand sexual preferences, like that sex act you desire so strongly, the position you hate, or why you see lingerie as a must-do or a never-do thing. Understanding may not end those preferences, but it will weaken them, and will make it easier for you and your spouse to deal with them sanely.
If there’s no significant trauma, you and your spouse have a good sex life, and you’re both comfortable talking about sexual things, doing story work about sex together could bring you closer and improve your sex life. If you want to go there, start with easy stuff, and go slow. I’d suggest such story work be separate from having sex.
Sexual story work isn’t all past sex stories. It might be body-shaming events. It could be about getting teased at school. Or hearing about something a friend experienced. Our sexuality is shaped by far more than our sexual experience and exposure, so cast a wide net as you look for the roots of what you desire or avoid today.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that grace and empathy are critical!
Just when you think it’s safe to go outside again…
Of course, it was well above freezing, so it was all gone shortly after it stopped falling.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with ideogram.ai & Lori Byerly
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