by PAUL BYERLY | Jul 10, 2026 | Freedom
Podcast: https://bit.ly/4eUIxG4
Our final marriage freedom is The Freedom to Be Yourself Sexually.
What does sexual freedom mean for those who follow Jesus? God is actually very pro-sex, as long as it’s in marriage. The Song of Songs describes an amorous couple having sex in bed, the garden, and in the countryside. It includes descriptions of them giving each other both manual and oral sex.
If it doesn’t involve others (which eliminates porn), does not cause harm, and you both enjoy it, then it’s okay with God regardless of what your parents or the folks at church would think about it.
God made us able to enjoy sex in many ways. That was not a mistake, and He didn’t fail to consider what we would do with the sexual desire and sexual parts He gave us. Both Song of Songs and Proverbs encourage us to embrace an abandon in our intimacy that the scriptures liken to being intoxicated.
If you grew up in the faith, odds are you were given some unbiblical negative teachings about sex. If those things are still restraining your sex life, it’s time to get free.
That said, if you both enjoy vanilla sex, great. If you like a bit of spice on occasion, that’s also great. And if most of your friends would turn beet red and be unable to speak if they knew about how you enjoy God’s gift of sex, that’s great too.
Giving each other sexual freedom doesn’t mean anything goes. Not judging doesn’t mean you have to say yes to everything your spouse proposes. You each get to say “No” or “Maybe”.
Your sex life is between the two of you and God. No one else gets to have an opinion about it, and if you keep your sex life private, no one will get worked up about it.
I pray you will all walk in sexual freedom, however that looks for your marriage. Start by asking each other, and God, if there are any old, unbiblical teachings ruling your bedroom.
~ This is Paul, reminding you that Doing Sex Well looks different for every couple.
Here come the (many, many) raspberries.
I wonder if the bee in the upper left is one of ours?
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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by PAUL BYERLY | Jul 9, 2026 | Freedom
Podcast: https://bit.ly/4f15iqt
Today: The Freedom to Disagree Safely.
That last word is very, very important. If your spouse disagrees with you, will you be kind to them? Can you discuss the difference without raising your voice or getting too animated?
I can get pretty passionate about what I believe, especially if I think the issue is important. This can come across as thinking I’m right and you’re wrong. Or “I’m right, and what’s wrong with you?“
I also think if you have a belief, it should stand up to being attacked. If you can’t defend your idea, it’s not worth my consideration. For some of us, and I know many men who fall into this camp, we treat discussions like a courtroom battle where ideas have to be defended to survive.
All of this is how I have been, and I am doing better. In the past I shut down a lot of discussions, and as a result, I missed out on hearing the things Lori needed to share.
Another factor here is how we process. I’m a fast processor, while Lori is a slow processor. Both are how God made us and neither is wrong. But it has led to a good deal of frustration for both of us.
Beyond that, I’m a verbal processor. That means I figure out what I believe by talking it out. And for me at least, it’s a pretty rapid-fire, frenetic process. My dear wife is very good at being a backstop for me when I do this, but I have learned not to expect her to have come to a conclusion when I have. And she has learned to not hang onto what I say along the way.
Making it safe to disagree means understanding how you both process and making accommodations. It also requires you to be okay with your spouse not agreeing with you, which takes a good deal of emotional maturity and being sure of yourself.
~ This is Paul, and disagreeing well is Doing Marriage Well.
We got potatoes; yes, we do!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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by PAUL BYERLY | Jul 8, 2026 | Freedom
Podcast: https://bit.ly/4f2fv6d
Today’s marriage freedom is The Freedom to Grow… and Change!
No matter how old you were when you got married, you and your spouse were still “growing up”. Growing up is a lifelong process. It tends to be faster at younger ages. External situations can also cause significant growing up, with having a child being a big one.
In the early years of adulthood, we’re all trying to figure out who we are, navigating career paths, and figuring out how to build deep relationships. We juggle work, family, and social obligations to adjust to our changing lives.
In midlife it’s common to become less concerned about what others think and to move away from people-pleasing. This can change our priorities and may shift friendships.
We don’t just grow up; we grow as people, and we grow in our faith. We may become more generous or sacrificial or more willing to listen to different ideas.
The reality is people change all the time. Much of it is slow, but sometimes it is, or at least seems, sudden. For a marriage to be good, this growth must be shared in real time and processed. It will sometimes mean making little adjustments, and at other times, it could mean making very big adjustments. It might call for sacrifice or for rethinking priorities.
The freedom to grow and change means our spouse feels no need to hide how they are changing. This allows us to adapt. Or, if necessary, to ask questions or even lovingly challenge what is happening.
Lori and I have dealt with couples who had grown so far apart they no longer had a marriage. And neither felt willing or even able to bridge the gap. Sometimes one spouse being spectacularly unaware was a factor, but usually a spouse undergoing significant change said nothing until the change was complete. This is usually because they don’t feel the freedom to be different.
Giving the freedom to grow and change will keep you close.
~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well means embracing change.
The turkeys are growing fast!
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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by PAUL BYERLY | Jul 7, 2026 | concept, Freedom
Podcast: https://paulb5d.podbean.com/e/fully-known-fully-loved-the-marriage-gift/?token=c1ffed695ce6706e403aa4f450a5bc05
Following the freedom to be wrong, the second freedom that should exist in a marriage is The Freedom to Be Yourself.
This one is huge. Some folks don’t feel they can be fully themselves at work. And many feel the same way among friends. We connect, but we hold back some of our more unique bits. We did things in the past we don’t share. We avoid certain subjects because we fear, or know, others don’t agree with our opinions.
Your marriage should be a place where you can be yourself and speak your mind. That does not mean your spouse must agree with you, but it does mean they won’t judge or attack you for what you think.
If you haven’t caught on, I am a bit eccentric. (The phrase ‘a bit’ will give my wife a laugh when she reads this! (Yup)) I see things most don’t see and make connections most don’t make. One friend calls me the king of random. But what seems random to him is actually connected in my mind. My close friends know I am eccentric, but they don’t get all of it. I try to know my audience.
My wife, however, gets all of me, with very little filtering. And she accepts and loves me. I can’t say she always understands, but her love and acceptance are consistent.
Can you reveal all of yourself to your spouse? Do you encourage your spouse to reveal all of themselves to you? It is one of the best gifts you can give. You married your spouse because of the unique person they were. Accepting their oddities may take some effort, but it’s a blessing worth giving.
~ This is Paul, and every person looks different.
Here come the sunflowers!
These are black oil sunflowers, used to feed rabbits, chickens, and pigs. And they brighten up the yard.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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by PAUL BYERLY | Jul 6, 2026 | Freedom
Podcast: https://bit.ly/4wpRahF
In the US of A, we just celebrated 250 years of freedom. So I thought this week I’d talk about the freedoms we should have in our marriage.
You will sometimes hear people talk about marriage as giving up your freedom. There is some truth in this. Living well with a spouse does put some constraints on us. If you’re going to be late, you call. If you want to take off on a whim, you discuss. And if you want to rock out at 3AM, you wear headphones.
But a marriage done well has freedoms for both spouses. These are granted to each other, but they are also actively nurtured by both. Often it’s a dance, as where you want freedom to be yourself may conflict with where your spouse wants the freedom to be themselves.
So what freedoms should exist in a healthy marriage?
The freedom to be wrong: We all make mistakes, from little ones that no one else notices to massive ones that disrupt multiple lives. We make honest mistakes based on bad information or misunderstanding, and we do things we know are wrong because of selfishness or past injury.
Giving your spouse the freedom to be wrong means you will give them the benefit of the doubt and offer forgiveness in generous amounts.
The freedom to be wrong makes it easier to see and to admit when you’re wrong. It makes you feel safe and helps you fight the urge to hide what you did. It also reduces the need to blame others or justify your actions.
Beyond that, the freedom to be wrong means we can risk and take chances. We don’t avoid things because they might not work out because we know our spouse won’t use a failure against us.
Of course we must avoid taking advantage of the freedom to be wrong. And we need to offer it in return.
~ This is Paul, and Doing Marriage Well is never error-free.
Never what you want to see when your home is surrounded by forest!
This fire is actually 100 miles away and is burning mostly wheat fields and brush.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with Nano Banana 2
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